Sorry but I need some time out....

This website to date has helped many people... lost in the land of negativity, despair and hopelessness that C.F.S/M.E has to offer.... Originally it was set up... as an escapism for myself... and secondly... to arm other sufferers... in their own battle of C.F.S./M.E.

To date... there are not many personalised sites... equipped with a realistic, personal and in-depth journal of a fellow sufferer... I try to help others by telling the way it is... and try not to document medical jargon... what is the point???? The medical profession are as stumped with this illness.. as much as we are... and yes, we try to understand... as we alone are going through it... then "boom" we contract a new symptom... and we struggle to come to terms with it...

The life of a C.F.S/M.E sufferer is a crazy... scary world... it is filled with frustration, hopelessness, solitude, negativity, despair, confusion, anxiety, stress and tears....

But what can we do??? yes.. on the outside we look well... but on the inside... we are struggling... so how can we as sufferers project that image to others? to be honest... we can not.... we will continue to conform to the regulations and expectations of the "norm" after all.. in the eyes of others... we are healthy.. happy and confident... hey, has anyone here ever considered taking up a career in acting?? lets face it... we have had plenty of experience.... personally speaking... I have had at least 5 years experience... lol how many years experience do you have???

At the moment... my world has crashed around me...

I have lost my job and been pensioned off due to my ill health....

But I am still determined... I will find another job.. the sooner the better... to me that is not a problem... but how in hecks name am I going to maintain it??? I suppose like everything else... I will cross that bridge when I come to it.... but regardless... it is worrying....at times... within my head.. I can conquer the world.... but my body resists... to the extent that it lets me down... big time!!! and I become a quivering wreck...

This I struggle to deal with....

At times... I battle to keep my own sanity... I can't think straight... as my brain has been taken over... to the extent... that no longer am I in control... to date my determination has battled against that concept... as I will do anything and everything to try and keep my mind enact.... but temporarily... the concept of "madness" so to speak... consumes me... leaving me with the inability to think straight.... my mind is not my own... and within the vulnerability of that state... it is open to non viable suggestions.... which to date... I will never seek refuge within this confused state of mind.... I have not fought this long... to turn my heels and give up.... I am too much of a fighter...

I remember several years ago... I used to be life and soul of the party so to speak... I pushed myself to succeed within life... and I did.... until one night whilst I was sleeping... someone crept into my bedroom and stole my life....

I just want to know... WHY?

You know who you are... and I hope that you are enjoying my drive in life to succession... as did once upon a time... my lifestyle was also energetic and financial beneficial... enjoy it whilst you can... as so to speak.. what goes around comes around....

For now... temporarily I am struggling to maintain this website and need to take a break....but in soul... I will still be here for those that need me... and in emergency situations... Colin will notify me... and I will get back to you A.S.A.P I promise...

At the moment... I need to take the so called selfish approach... I need to concentrate on myself.... in the world of reality... I cannot continue to consume two or three cans of beer per night to maintain this website.... without creating damage to my internal organs.... as in my alcohol consumption...

Something has to give... and unfortunately for a while it has to be my input to this website...

Sorry.....

But hey, I will be back soon... take care...xx